Am I

Am I worthy of love. Am I, compared to everything vivid, equal to what everybody desires.  Is there a small hint of good, or am I just like the thing I did not want to become. Am I a liar, or do I just perceive things differently. Nevertheless whatever I do makes me in to who I am. Or am I nothing more than just a question mark on a dry piece of land called Loneliness.

Acceptance is the thing that everybody desires most. Acceptance by loved ones, family, even potential friends. But what if your own state of mind filters out this so called acceptance. Will you be happy, or will you be searching for the things life already gave you plenty of times. I am in doubt of what I am. For I am searching, but I’m not finding. For I am looking, but I’m not seeing.

I feel when I’m with you. You make me comfortable and feel safe on a scale I can’t explain. You make me accept my own flaws and see that I am not like the thing I did not want to become.

You are the brightest of lights at the end of the darkest tunnel. You are my drug. My love.

Still I get this feeling that I am missing out on something. Whether it’s family or friends. You are the brightest of lights, but still not bright enough to expel this darkness to someplace safe. Someplace where it can do no harm. What do I need to free myself from this monstrosity. Or is this darkness simply a thing everybody is dealing with and am I overreacting. Does everybody deal with a certain emptiness. Maybe I should just be turning my back to the ever consuming nothingness and cherish the light. Maybe that will cure the uncertainty.

Maybe that will cure me.

René

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